Activist state

Rod Miller: Thunberg vs. Michelangelo and more Hijinx in Yellowstone

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By Rod Miller, columnist

I’ve seen some news pop up recently about climate activists attacking works of art as if Michelangelo or the Impressionists were responsible for global warming. Seriously! This is the kind of thinking that is loose in the world today.

From what I can gather most of these protesters are Euro-Trash kids who are always so mad at the House of Bourbon or the Romanovs that they throw soup on paintings and get stuck on statues.

They all have posters of Danzig or Greta Thunberg on their walls, and they are convinced that they can fill the hole in the ozone layer by stealing works of art.

Allow me to stand up for the painters and sculptors of history, and the products of their art that enrich us all. And let me point out to those misguided morons who attack art in the name of atmosphere that they caused more air damage by releasing cyanoacrylate fumes from the Super Glue they used to glue their hands a la Pieta than Michelangelo when he sculpted the damn thing.

They go after the wrong people!!

All these artists are long dead. Many of them never lived long enough to witness the Industrial Revolution, so it’s hard to blame them for acid rain, skin cancer, or drought.

If these naïve benefactors really want to strike a blow against the atmospheric calamity, they must come to Yellowstone. When this sucker explodes (and doomsayers say it’s overdue), the Big Empty will be buried in volcanic ash and the atmosphere worldwide will be screwed for generations.

Yeah, that’s where these folks can do the most good – attack Yellowstone to avoid this big inconvenience looming. It won’t be as safe as slathering a Klimt with macaroni and cheese, but it will be a direct hit at the sources of the threat.

Moreover, it will be the mother lode of satirical journalism. I can see the stories now.

“The remains of Butterfly Isaaksen, a climate activist from Copenhagen, were found today near Fishing Bridge where she had apparently super-glued her hands to a badger. His colleagues were unable to provide assistance due to the ferocity of the event. ‘It happened so fast. We didn’t even have time to turn on the camera for her to read her manifesto,” a spokesperson for Isaacsen’s group said.

While in another part of Yellowstone…..

‘A Belgian climate activist was returned to Billings today after he was gored and trampled by a buffalo. First responders reported he attempted to staple a sign reading ‘No Bovine Flatulence’ to a bison near the road”.

And that….

“When Wolfsong Moonrise and her partner, Rainbow, arrived in Wyoming to protest climate change and convince Yellowstone not to be a capitalist tool, she hoped to raise her profile as an internet influencer and broaden her base. She didn’t expect her and Rainbow to be the main story in mainstream news when they were filmed throwing lentil soup at a grizzly bear cub in front of its mother. The search for their remains continues.

And finally….

“Park Rangers today responded to a report that a group of climate activists had gathered in the Upper Geyser Basin to perform a ritual aimed at cooling the planet. After an extensive search, rangers found four headless corpses neatly arranged around a highly caustic thermal feature known locally as Gotcha Pool.

It appears, the rangers said, that foul play can be ruled out. “Looks like they were just looking for lawyers.”

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